“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”~Song of Solomon 4:7
This scripture holds immense truth because it informs us that we are all uniquely beautiful in our own way. After all, you’re the only YOU this world will get to see. Unfortunately, most of us may not perceive ourselves as God sees us. Which can hold us back on so many levels in life.
If you have ever felt lost, clueless about your true identity, depressed, an inability to connect with others on a deep soul level than the average surface level relationships, anxiety, or attempting to find somewhere you belong to; Then you’re in the right place! I’m going to share with you how you can turn all of the above into something more than a burden. You’re not experiencing it for nothing. It’s a life lesson that has an upcoming final exam that you must ace in order to elevate to the next level in your life. New blessings, more chances of meeting other elevated people instead of lower vibrational people, and actually manifesting your goals.
You would think upon the birth of a man’s small baby girl that he would want to cherish her and spend as much time with her as he could. Not my dad. He always had good intentions but he just had no clue how to be a good dad, yet I commend him for doing his best. When my dad met my mom he didn’t have much but a car that his sister loaned him and a bed to sleep in at his mom’s because a few months prior he was released from a 10 year prison sentence. Not only was he traumatized from the narcissistic abuse of his own parents but also whatever happened to him while behind bars. He missed out on a healthy childhood and it made him grow up to become an underdeveloped adult with all these unhealed issues.
My mom doesn’t exactly get off scott free either. Although she and I are pretty close, there has been times when I questioned if she actually cared/loved me. My mom grew up in a household with her mother and 9 other siblings. Yes, there were 10 of them total. Her dad was a drunk physical abuser, a serial cheater, and possessed a really bad temper. Eventually he just disappeared out of their lives altogether.
My mom’s mother was the type that was a little too nice and not firm enough. She gave whippings but she wasn’t as invested in her children’s lives as she could have been. I say that because my mom has WAY too many adventures to tell, some good and some bad. You would think she almost didn’t even have a parental figure in her life growing up.
Before I knew the true meaning behind why my parents were the way they were, I used to think that something was wrong with me. I thought I was a freak, unworthy of being loved, the weird one in my family, and maybe if I tried to do everything they expected of me perfectly then they would somehow see me differently. I was stuck in this vicious cycle of seeking love, attention, and validation from other people who weren’t capable of giving me those things because they too, didn’t possess those things within them.
I didn’t just seek love, attention, and validation from family members, I sought out these things from friendships and even romantic relationships. Of course, the relationships never lasted because:
#1 It was codependent and toxic. I was putting all the weight of my issues on other people’s shoulders and expecting them to somehow fix me.
#2 I wasn’t showing them my true authentic self. I was always taught that the real me wasn’t good enough. So when I met new people I was giving them an impression of who I thought they wanted me to be. I knew nothing about setting healthy boundaries, loving myself, and obtaining respect for myself.
#3 I would feel even more crappy about myself because I felt like I was using people in a way that didn’t necessarily serve me or them. I also would feel crappier if they didn’t buy into the false mask I wore.
✨FOLLOW THESE STEPS TO LEARN HOW TO GAIN A HIGHER SELF-ESTEEM:✨
“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”~1 John 4:8
I recall being in my senior year of high school, I attended an all girls school for my last two years of high school. All the other girls were raving about the cool colleges and degrees they were going to pursue once we graduated. The teachers even held a ceremony for girls who were granted scholarships to popular universities. While I was one of the few girls who would be attending a community college because I didn’t enjoy school or studying. I felt defeated because not only was I not attending one of those popular universities that would look pretty good on a job resume but I also felt like the traits I desired to see within myself had yet to make an appearance.
Along my journey, tears were shed and sometimes I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing and that I should just give up but there was always that small voice in the back of my head that told me I can’t. I have to keep going.
By time I turned 23 I had a completely different outlook on society’s definition of what it looks like to be established, how I viewed myself, defining what self-love/self-worth/self-respect mean to me, healthy dating vs toxic dating, setting healthy boundaries even if it means cutting people out of my life who are no longer serving me. I went from the timid quiet girl who never spoke up for herself to the assertive “this is who I am take it or leave it” woman in less than a couple years. I’m not perfect, this just means I’ve simply evolved into a better version of myself and am continuing to do so on my journey.
You can do it too. All it takes is persistence, patience, understanding, self-care, and the determination of the goals you want to achieve. You’ll be surprised at the outcome of your hard work.